A Life Changing Experience...

Okay, so life has made some crazy turns here lately. I was in a car wreck last month, a pretty bad one at that. But by the grace of God I lived. I was sitting in the passengers seat, my sister was driving. A 3 month old baby, HeavenLee, was in the middle seat. 2 year old Summer was in the back seat. And last but not least Sadie 4 years old was sitting in the back seat also. By the way the wreck was not my sisters fault! The guy that hit us even admitted to the police that it was his fault. So this guy pulled out in front of us, him going about 20mph, and us going 40 or 50mph. Well, he hit us on the side, where I was sitting. It hit us. I was sitting there talking to my sister about how life was getting better, then all the sudden, it took a turn for the worse. I am sitting there talking to her, looking at her while I am talking, her eyes on the road though. And next thing I know I am flung forward, I did have my seatbelt on. But it still hit me pretty hard. I didn't really think about what happened, my first thought was OMG THE KIDS!!! So I am trying to get up, but me being the dumb blond I am and being all screwed up I still had my seatbelt on. So I hit the air bag outta my face as fast as I can and take my seatbelt off after I already tried to jump up with it on! I finally get up, and jump in the back to check on the kids. I looked at HeavenLee, the youngest, first. She was still barely opening her eyes, not crying, so I knew she was okay. So I looked at Summer next, she was just sitting there shocked, not crying, but eyes open wide and scared looking. Sadie was next, I almost started crying when I saw her. She was just sitting there looking as a young child should look, innocent. But when I saw her face, I thought I was going to be mad at God forever for letting this happen to my baby girl! She had a black eye and cuts all over her face. 4 year olds are not supposed to have black eyes! I was angry and sad and worried freaking out in my mind all the same time. My sister and I got out, and I got the kids out. After the police and ambulances got there me and the kids sat in the ambulance to keep cool. I didn't have any shoes, so the cement was really hot, they wouldn't even let me look at the car because they thought it would put me in shock. To this day, I haven't seen the car, but it was totaled. I broke my finger and my legs got pretty beat up. I have scars on my legs from that too. I was sitting criss-cross wearing shorts. And from the airbag I got a few small chemical burns. Everyone was saying how it was a miracle we all survived. I got the worst of the accident. I am actually happy I got the worst. I wouldn't want the kids to have to go through the pain that I did. Later to find out from the cops, I was the one who stayed calm throughout the whole thing. And they all got a pretty big laugh later about how I had no expression and showed no emotion, until about and hour later I saw HeavenLee smile. I was happy to know that she was okay. I am no longer mad at God for what happened, but I am actually thankful, that he let it happen to me and not other people. And that He let no one get hurt badly. What made me think of all this was, today i got an old camera developed, and it had pictures of all the injury's and it was hard to hold back the tears looking at them. I mean my baby with a black eye, and my legs looked horrible. I got some scars that aren't going to go away, and I still hav a giant bruise that has faded a little bit. But now, be sure to count your blessings everyday! More crazinnessss. Boyfriend after boyfriend , going back to school, friends slowly slipping away, everything slowly slipping away from me. Sometimes your just not sure how life works, and why it works the way it does. I think it is time to settle down, for the school year at least. I need to focus on my grades and my writing(songs and poetry if you don't no me) I don't think I want a boyfriend for once in my life. I did my fair share of dating over the summer. I think I am satisfied for the school year. I am tired of having immature guy after guy. If I am going to have a boyfriend this school year, it is going to be a long term relationship, a serious one, summer fun is over! He has to let me have a life outside of him! I do and will have other things to do besides him. School, friends, sports, clubs, lots of stuff, that he is more than welcome to do with me, but my life is not going to revolve around him. I had a great relationship with a guy names Chase. It was almost the best thing I ever had. After knowing him since I was in 4th grade. When I went nto 7th grade he asked me out. And of course I said yes. He was the sweetest guy ever. After a year and a half of fun, new, and exciting adventures, in January it all came crashing down. I lost everything that day. He was driving home from school one day, and the roads were icy, well another truck slid through a stop sign, and hit him head on. He died, after about a week. I spent all my time outside of school in that hospital with him, he was in a coma, so he didn't know. I lost my best friend that day. I cried for days. I still wonder why God took the one thing that was great in my life. I don't doubt that He had a good reason though. Anyways, I want another serious great relationship like that. And I had one good relationship over the summer, with a gay pirate. Hehehe. No but, he really is a bi pirate. I really liked him, and if I went out with anyone this school year, it would probably be with Adrian or Jason. I am now looking for a serious relationship with a guy thats not illegal! Lol. I was with Chase illegally, he was going to turn 19 in February. Right now I have plenty of friends, but it feels like they are all slowly slipping away,ough*cough*Mally*cough*cough) Well we will wait and see how it turns out. Alone in the midst of an oversized crowed waiting to get coffee. In a local coffee shop, small, and quiet.It feels like time is frozen, no way of telling, when it is going to come to an end. The stillness of the world around me, in a small city. I wish time would just replay itself. Which it can. An old saying. The only thing we learn from history is we don't learn from history. Does that make sense to anyone? Well it took some serious thinking to really truly understand it. Take some time and think about it. The school year is the hardest time to fight depression. Boredom sets in, while listening to things that should be heard but are not. The busy buzz of the constant sound of the people around me whispering and pointing, at the girl sitting all alone in the corner typeing something on her computer, as they try to get a glimpse of it, when she starts to say something, they all slide away from her, as if she is going to hurt them. I don't know what that was all about but okay, don't sit in a coffee shop, while wearing solid black and while typing something on it, I get some weird looks. Not doing this again...

~All my deadly love~
~!*!~SarahJoy~!*!~

email: starless_n_cold@hotmail.com preps_r_evil@hotmail.com
myspace: www.myspace.com/xox_his_baby_grl_xox
xanga: starless_n_cold
Yahoo messenger: lpswhite@sbcglobal.net
phone number: ask in an email, if you wanna know... and if i know you.

Bored

Hmmm.... I thought I would make an update before I have to go clean the kitchen up after my parents! I don't even eat dinner and they make me clean up their messes! Crazy people! Oh well. I am kinda used to it now. Hm... I really don't have that much to write. Actually I am trying my hradest to think of something to write. Dang! I can't think of anything. I have really great friends. I realize that I am not as greatful as I should be for everything that I have. I have great friends, 4 parents, 2 of which I don't plan on seeing anymore, I have a nice house, and almost any material object I could wish for. I have been going through a great deal of depression here lately. Not because of material object that I don't have. But because of everything. My parents don't seem to trust me anymore. I have done nothing to make them lose trust in me. I even admitted to my Mom a few days ago that I have been kissing guys for a while now. She freaked of course. Telling me your only 14 you shouldn't be kissing guys and you are going to end up like your sister living in a hotel with a guy that 23 years older three kids and no money! Just because I kiss a guy. She seems to think that me kissing guys is going to lead to premarital sex and stuff like that. There is another thing almost no one but Jason knows...I have made up my mind I am not having sex until I am married, or with a really special guy that I think will be "the one." That is why most guys don't like me, is because I don't wanna give it up to them anytime anywhere! Those are called shallow guys, we don't like them anyways! I am falling in love way to fast. I am in love with a guy that barely knows I exist! I think anyways. He is slightly older than me. He has no girlfriend, and doesn't seem to date often from what I hear. i am not going to say his name. For one reason he might read this. And the second one is everybody would be making fun of me saying no way do you have a chance with him. Every girl I know likes him. But I have a different feeling for him. He is good looking I admit, but thats not the reason I love him so much. I honestly wouldn't care if he was the ugliest person on Earth! As long as he still had the same personality as he does now. I would still be madly in love with him. I know I know I sound like some crazy person. I honestly wish he would just give me a chance. He knows almost everything about me. He called my freind on my phone! If this guy were reading this and he knew it was him he would die. This guy is perfect to me. Okay, not perect, everyone has their flaws, I just havn't found his yet. I am trying to get to know him better. But I don't get to see him very often so it's kinda hard. I am telling you, I spilled everything to him one night. I mean I cried my eyes out on him. And I am sure he thought I was a crazy insane person. At one point he was the only person I would talk to about stuff. And now I regret it all. But now I have made a new friend Ben. I trust him just as much as I trust this guy. He has become my best friend. Okay, back to the guy I like. I don't know why I love him so much. I just know that he is a total sweetheart. And if I could ever get up the guts to tell him how I feel, I think he would shoot himself. I would just like to have a chance with him. Just one chance. I cry my eyes out every night over this guy. Every night I vry myself to sleep. I try my hardest not to cry, but I lay there trying to sleep, and I can't get him out of my head. Have you ever heard the saying, "If you can't get someone out of your head, maybe their supposed to be there." I lay there in my bed crying every night. I have had countless sleepless night over this guy. If he would just i dunno. maybe if I could ever get the balls to tell him he would understand and not think I am crazy. Even if we didn't date, at least I would have this pain off of my chest. And I wouldn't have to worry about him not caring. I guess I am just the biggest chicken ever. Well comment or email.

emails:
starless_n_cold@hotmail.com
preps_r_evil@hotmail.com
myspace:
www.myspace.com/xox_his_baby_grl_xox
yahoo messenger:
lpswhite@sbcglobal.net
xanga:
starless_n_cold

Hmmmm......

I been thinkin. I did womething real bad that i shudn't have dun.... yeah.....

~All my deadly love~
~!*!~Sarah~!*!~

Death...

I have done some thinking, and I don't do that very often. But I have heard alot of talk about death lately. And as I look back at the past three or four years of my life, I realise now how many family members and loved ones I have lost recently. I lost my two cousins, Scotty and Tony to suicide. I lost my grandma, and the only grandpa I had ever had. I lost my step-dad's dad, so my step-grandpa, and my step-moms mom. I lost my bf at the time Chase last year. I am unlike many people in this way, I do not fear death. I honestly look forward to death. God put me on this Earth for a reason. I am here to fufill that reason, send people to Christ then die. After I die, i will be sent to heaven. I mean I am not so eager to die that I would take my own life. But I do not fear death. Death is one of those many things that people face everyday.
What brought all this into my mind.... I was looking through some old pictures earlier. I saw one of my sister and her forst husband Joe. She was 16 maybe 17. Seeing him brought back so many horrible memories. When I was 8 or 9, I went to stay thenight with My sister Rach and Joe. It was late at night when we left my Dads house to head to their house. We had to stop at Wal-Mart before we got home. Nothing abnormal. I was expecting it to be a quick trip in and out. I was wrong. This was the worst night of my life. Something totaly unexpected happened. We were robbed that night. We pulled into a parking spot on the side of the store. We were in a little S-10 truck. Rachael was the passenger, I was in the middle, and Joe was the driver. The truck didn't have AC, so we had the windows rolled down. We pulled in on the side of the store, and since it was the side, it was poorly lit. We opened the doors to get out. 2 guys came up to each side of the truck, slammed the doors shut and put a gun to Joe's head and a giant knife to my sister throat. Me being the little 8 year old I was, I was so scared, I didn't know what to do. So I just sat there in silence for what seemed like hours. My sister was going to say something, but the guy just pushed the knife up to her throat even harder. I slowly looked up at my sisters throat, I could see it start to turn white from the pressure. She was 3 or 4 months pregnant at the time. Joe took out his wallet and gave them all the money he had. It seemed like it took hours for them to leave. The strange thing is that what seemed to be hours of sitting there in silence turned out to be about 3-5 minutes. We got out of the truck and ran to the security car that is suposed to be driving around. He had his car parked and he was talking to some young ladys about nothing important, we quickly told him our story, and asked him to call the cops. He said he wasn't allowed to call the cops. We ran inside as quick as we could. We found a place to call the cops. They were ther in minutes, the had the place surrounded with cops and search dogs. One police officer was so nice, she could tell I was nervous and still shaky. I just sat there in silence for a long time. Staring, staring at absolutely nothing. Just a blank face. Then the very nice police officer went and bought me some candy. I was to scared anf nervous to eat of course so I just sat it beside me. I just wanted it to all be over, to wake up from this terrible dream I was having, finally a few hours later I finally accepted that it wasn't a dream, but I had been so close to death it was unreal. Later I thought why didn't God just let me die, now I have to live and suffer from these terrible nightmares that 5-6 years later I still have. Why does He make me suffer. Obviously it just wan't time for me to die. From that day on I just accepted the fact when I am meant to die, I will die. But that night it just wasn't my turn. I still question why God, let me live, but I know I shouldn't ask Him. I still suffer from bad dreams and sleepless nights. It wouldn't bother me except for the fact they never caught the guys that did it. They gave up looking after about one day. These bad dreams and sleepless nights I wish they would just go away.
Like I said, I am closer to guys than I am to girls. This is the reason why. After that for about 3 or 4 years I wouldn't go near guys. I was always surrounded by girls. I realised how much I hated all the drama. And I became good freinds with this guy named Chase. He was a few years older than me. We were the best of friend for 4 years. Then a year and a half ago, we bacame bf-gf. We dated for a year. Then he was in a car wreck, and died instantly. I knoew God made it happen for a reason. I know he didn't just take my best freinds life for no reason. I miss Chase. I have sleepless night because of him too. I cry all night sometimes because I miss him. Now that I lost a best guy freind, I want to make new ones. He was my only freind for years. Now he is gone. I realise how much better i got along with him than I did with enyone else. He is the one that made me realise all guys aren't bad!

Well I hope that story made a little tiny defference on your outlook on life.

email me if you got questions.
starless_n_cold@hotmail.com
preps_r_evil@hotmail.com
myspace: www.myspace.com/xox_his_baby_grl_xox
yahoo messenger lpswhite@sbcglobal.net

~All my love~
~!*!~Sarah~!*!~

i dunno, does it really need a title?

Okay, here's a funny poem i found the other day.

There's been a murder,
a woman was killed, found in a bathtub,
partially filled.

A pair of policemen
went into the house
and thoroughly questioned
the poor womans spouse.

He'd just come home
from working all night
and found her like that,
a terrible sight.

The younger policeman
looked on with dismay.
He'd never forgot
that terrible day.

He saw the young woman
from behind the door
and empty milk cartons
all over the floor,

scattered strawberries,
slices of fruit,
and spoonfuls of sugar
and honey to boot.

"Who could have done
this terrible thing?"
His voice had a horrified,
pitiful ring.

"Just look at the clues,"
replied sergeant Miller.
"It looks like the work
of a cereal killer!"

That one is kinda corny, but its a lil funny you gotta admit. lol
NEXT

I Close My Eyes
By:Me
I close my eyes and see your sweet embrace,
I feel your arms' sweet embrace.
Your everlasting love and grace,
I close my eyes and see your face.
How can a man be so much more,
than I ever thought in life before you.
I close my eyes and see your tears,
as you take away my fears.
My eyes are open and now I see,
all of the things you are to me.

Him
By: Me
His eyes are like crystal blue streams
His hairis a golden color only seen in my dreams
His skin is as soft and smooth as silk
When I look at him,
and hear his voice,
my heart beats faster,
it has no choice.
My stomache flutters endlessly,
I only wish
that he could see,
how much
I love him...

Okay so yeah, tell me what ya think...

~All my love~
~!*!~Sarah~!*!~

It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door

I've been up at this all night long
I've been drowning in my sleep
I've prayed for your safe place
And it's time for us to leave

Time is running on empty and the gas is running out
I've decided that tonight is the night
That I set love aside
Full speed ahead this seems to be the place
I've seen this once before
Planned perfection sought in my dreams
Hoping this would take you home

My knuckles have turned to white
There's no turning back tonight
So kiss me one last time

Around this turn where the cross will cast your shadow
The people will all gather
To remember such a day where the flames grew as high as
as trees
And the world stopped for me and you

My knuckles have turned to white
Theres no turning back tonight
So hold on tight
Kiss me one last time
Shut your eyes

I will now bring new meaning to the word alone
Endless nights of dreaming life
And the days we should have spent here

Drowning in my sleep Im drowning in my sleep (repeated)

Glass shatters and comes to a halt
I thought we'd be there by now
I thought it would be so much quicker than this

Pain has never been so brilliant
I made sure you were buckled in
Now you can walk hand in hand with him

It's dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door
By: Underoath


Hidden Tears
My hidden tears
Start when I rise
To another day of dissapointment
And demise
My heart falls quick
My blood grows dry
My head starts to hurt
And I wish I could die
But I won't because
I'm yours and you are mine
But do I know what to do
But sometimes those tears
The tears that I shed in the night
They blind me with fright
Sometimes I pray but always inside
That someone may take me away
Because I am afraid of losing you
What an awful heartbreak
That would be for me
So I pretend not to care
And push the pain aside
For in the darkness is where my soul hides

Hidden Tears
By: Sarah Joy Stinnett (Me!)

Okay, so i thought I would start off different today. I write poems and songs all the time, and recently I have started actually started playing my songs, and entering my poetry in online contests. I wrote Hidden Tears about a year ago. It is probably one of my favorites. I have many more that you will be seeing posted on here as the slow weeks go by. I enjoy writing songs and poetry. Any time I get a chance and I have pencil and paper, you will see me writing. What really sucked, is at Falls Creek, I had pencils, but I forgot, paper. So when I do my best writing I had no paper! That sucked bad. Well Malcom just called so I am gonna go and talk to him. Love yall.

~All my love~
~!*!~Sarah~!*!~

Hmm...

Okay, it has been like 2 days since I have updated. Which is a long time for me. Um... I honestly haven't had nething to say. Nothing really exciting has been going on. Sam stayed the night Friday. She is like my bestest buddy. We rode out bikes all over. Like at least 10 miles! My butt is so sore!
So...White round live-savers mints are so addicting! I haven't stopped eating them in like 3days! I got a freaking 5pound bag. At least it's better for me than chocolate! And I always have good breath! Lol. I saw Adrian. I went bowling, the other team we was playing didn't show up. So we just chilled and bowled. Me, Sam, Brandon, and Opah. It was great. I miss Clemency. Especially Jason! Lol. (heeheehe) I am really random, did you know that. I bet you didn't! Ha if you have ever met me, you know I am like the most random person ever. I was walking around and all of a sudden, I was like lets go hiking. After that I was like lets get my ipod, and run around the dining hall singing! Then I decided to try to cross Western on my bike. Probably not the smartest idea I have ever had. I am in love with a stripper! Lol. J/k. just seein if you were still paying attention. Actually I do know a stripper. He is a stripper at a local gay bar! I met him at summer school. His name is Daniel. He is so awesome! I love hangin with him! I miss Sasha! If you ever come to my house remind me to make you make me sign my door! Anyone who comes in my room has to sign my door. Its one of my two rules. The other one is you can't do a backflip off of my bed! Lol.
Okay, so I was talkin to this guy Malcom. And I was all hyper anf stuff that night. And I have only talked to him twice. And both times I was all hyper. But If you know me very well you know that I have a serious side to me. I rarely show it, because I am just a layed back, chilled out kinda girl. I always get along better with guys that girls. Not a sexual thing or anything, but with girls there is just too much drama. Who kissed who. Who's going out with who. You stole my boyfriend! You took my straightner! Give it back! You kissed my brother! OMG. Just chill out. It drives me crazy when people are like that. Like i was in my cabin sleeping and all the sudden everybody starts screaming like crazy, screaming OMG look at that huge bug it's gonna get me! Everybody but me and Janel runs out of the cabin! Me and Janel get up and look at it. It's a freaking JELLY BEAN! But guys on the other hand are just more laid back and chilled. I am quite the outdoorsy kinda girl, and most guys are unless they are city boys! I absolutely LOVE COWBOYS!!!! So I tend to get along better with guys....
Yeah, wells i gotta go. comment me or email me!

~All my love~
~!*!~Sarah~!*!~

emails:
preps_r_evil@hotmail.com
starless_n_cold@hotmail.com
my myspace; www.myspace.com/xox_his_baby_grl_xox
lpswhite@sbcglobal.net

Thoughts

Okay. So school is going to be startinf in about two weeks! I can't believe it! I am ready to go back to school. In my 7th and 8th grade years at Brink, I made some wrong choices. I failed my classes, and I was constantly in trouble with my teachers and the principals. I had to go to summer school the summer after 7th grade. And while I was there, I got the cops called on me! Is that crazy or what? I made it to 8th grade with a promise to myself. I was going to keep my grades up and go somewhere in life. I went absolutley nowhere from that promise. I did nothing to act on my goal.
This is a new start. At my school, Brink, I am not known as a "Good Child" as my algebra 1 teacher put it. This year, I have set my goals at a lower standard, something to help get me started. Then as I reach each goal I can higher the standard of the next goal. That way I know my goals are at least reachable. I am going to try to stay out of trouble. I am definately going to keep my grades up. This year is when colloges start looking at you. And I am going to try to get involved with extra-ciricular activities. That way it won't be so hardto stay out of trouble if I am busy! I have plenty of freinds. But more friends could never hurt. I wan't to lead people to Christianity. I am a Christian, and I believe that God has told me to try to lead people to Christianity through my music. So I still play heavy metal/death metal, but it is Christian, I am talking about God. I have led many people to Christ, I have gotten 12 people saved since Falls Creek.
Speaking of Falls Creek. If you live in Oklahoma, you should find a church nearby that go to Falls Creek during the summer. And talk to the youth minister about going. Grab a freind and say c'mon lets go to Falls Creek. The cost is $170 at my church. I go to Council Road Babtist Church. But we also understand that money can be an issue. We have scholarships. The first year I went I went on a scholarship. Which means the curch pays for it, but in return if they call you and ask you to come help out around the church you will. They hardly ever do though. I have been going there since 4th grade, I have never seen it happen.
We take big charter buses down there. Which being in a thing that moves that is begger than a semi going up mountains, isn't the greatest part about the trip. Every year I get a closer relationship with God. Which I am very proud to admit. There are hundreds of places to swim. Plenty of things to do. You can swim, go hiking, stay in your cabin, go on icy dates, hang out and be yourself, and not care what anyone thinks, because they are fellow Christians. By the way, there is no PDA, but there are plenty of good makeout spots where no1 can see! Lol. Me, Janel, Mitchel, Zack, Ben, and some other guy i don't know went on this trail, and we found this amazing view. You could stand on the edge, and look out, and see all of Falls Creek! It was beautiful! There is also the Prayer Gardens. The most amazing beautiful and unreal place at Falls Creek. Of course when I went there the 1st year. I was with a whole group of people, and it was the last day. It had been raining 24/7 that week, everyone was constantly soaked, there was no way to stay dry. We litterally went swimming in the streets! I have a video of that year the I will put up sometime! It is so funny. Well newayz we get up there n chill 4 a bit. And this girls Kim saw a trail, and was like hey guys lets go, this leads back to Nunny Cha Ha, Our camp, So we being as stupid as we were followed her. It turned out to be a water trail going down a side of the mountain to a place that was shut down called Devil's Bathtub it was shut down b/c of all the rain and leeches! There was a cop gaurding the gate, We got in so much trouble for being in there. And whan we went down the mountian it was so slick you had to like crawl on your but and hands and feet, so. we had to walk through all of Falls Creek to our camp with muddy butts! Talk about embarrassing. It looked like we all crapped our pants. I still have those stained shorts and hoodie! So you wanna go to Falls Creek next year email me and we can start working stuff out, and I can tell you about all my fun experiences. Plus there is a really HOTT band called Clemency that comes every year!

Today in the town of David a savior has been born unto you. He is Christ the Lord.

All my love
~!*!~Sarah~!*!~

My Sister

So my sister had to go and f*** her life up, and you know what that ruined everything for me! She screwed up the cavation that I have been planning for alomst 3 months. love her to death but she needs to take some of her own responsibilities! She didn't fold her laundry for almost 2 weeks my Mom made me fold mt sisters laundry! My sister didn't do her dishes for a week and a half, hmm... guess who did them? My sister didnt guve her kids a bath for 3 days, Yep you guesses it I did it. Guess who packed my sisters things when she was getting ready to move? Yea I am sick of it. She needs to get off her lazy butt and do it herself!
My sister made my parents lose all trust in me bacause she went off and got pregnant when she was 16. I am not allowed 2 even talk to guys now! You know what, I am not gonna put up with it anymore! I have decided not to talk to anyone but my friends. Not my Mom or Dad which I have decided 3weeks ago not to talk to him! Not my Sis, not my stepdad and sure as Hell not my stepmom! Everybody is crazy around my family! Well there goes my f***ing vacation!!! Can I admit myself to a mental asylum? Is that possible?
Okay here it goes the funniest verse in the Bible
Then the voice which I heard from heaven spoke to me again and said, " Go, take the little book which is open in the hand of the angel who stands on the sea and on Earth." So I went to the angel and said to him, " Give me the little book." And he said to me, "Take and EAT it; and it will make your stomache bitter, but it will be as sweet as honey in your mouth." Then I took the little book out of the angels hand and ATE it, and it was as sweet as honey in my mouth. But when I had eaten it, my stomache became bitter. Revelations 10:8-10
Ok you gotta agree with me that sounds pretty weird and funny, if someone told me to eat a book I would think the were pshyco!

All my love
~!*!~Sarah~!*!~

Introducing Myself...

Well hello. This is my first ever post on here. So I woke up really early today to help my sister move. So, just on case you don't know me, I will tell you some of the important things that have happened in my past, I talk about my past alot, because I have come a long wayz from last year. I am 14 years old. I live in Oklahoma, and I absolutely hate it. I would much rather be in an ocean side house in California. I am currently not single, I am going out with the most amazing guy ever. I just came out of being gothic, I still have the side of me that loves heavy metal, and death metal, and thats not ever going to change. I just don't show it in how I dress anymore. I can not stand preps. Just cause you got money dont mean you gotta go around flaunting it to everyone. But I have gotten to understand people more lately. I live in moore, small city. I go to a school that I call a prep academy, it's actually just a public junior high. But because it is in the "richer" part of town, most of the stuck-up preppy people go there. I have gotten used to all the stuck up preppy people, this will be my third year going there, I will be a freshman. I have gotten to know somw of the preps, and believe it or not became friends with a few of them. I realized most of the time they dont even realize they are trying to show off there money. That is just how they were raised in their household. Me, on the other hand, I was born and raised in the country. So, yep I am pretty much a country girl, I dont mind getting down and dirty if i need to. I used to go swiming in a mud pit everyday!lol.
I lived with my parents in a small house in the counrty until I was in second grade, so I was about 7 years old. Then my parents got divorced. At the time it didn't bother me. And it never has bothered me until last year. Last year I would go over to my friends' houses and see their family's together. It started bothering me, because I didn't have that. I had four parents. I didn't realize I was lucky to have four parents! I was just being stupid.
I started having problems of my own when I entered 7th grade. I didn't want to admit them to anyone, because I was scared that I would get in trouble, or that God wouldn't forgive me. Thats when I went goth. I started wearing all black, dying my hair funky colors, doing alot of stuff I knew I shouldn't be doing. And God told me I shouldn't be doing them. But the honest to God truth was I was scared of God. I didn't know how to ask for forgiveness. I mean I have been going to church since i was concieved. My father was like the preacher for my church, half of the time. But I was little and didn't pay attention. Then when my parents got divorced I stopped going to churh alltogether.
Then, my parents both got remarried to the step-parents I have today. I have a great stap-daddy that loves me, and I love him also. I have a step-mother. Who I don't seem to get along with, and honestly have no intention to. I have my real father. and I have my mommy. I live with my mom during the week and I live with my dad on some weekends. try to avoid going up there. I don't really LIKE my step-mom. Yes I love her but, i dont usually like her. I love my step daddy like crazy. He was an Angel sent to my family. When my mom started dating him I was in 3rd grade, and my mom was going to school and doing some work, and Les, my step dad, was helping us out. When I would get home from school, my sister was there and she would stay and take care of me. Finally, after what seemed like years, my mommy and step daddy got married. Me and my mom moved out of our little one bedroom apartment and in with my step-daddy, into a nice little 3 bedroom house. My sister stayed at the apartment and her husband moved in with her.
So, when I was in 5th grade, I started cutting myself. I cut my wrists. I cut my thighs, and carved things in them. The summer after 6th grade, I went to Falls Creek with my church, Council Road Babtist. I got saved that summer, and made a ton of new friends. So, I have been going to Falls Creek with my church every summer since then. At the beginning of this year, God told me that I had to get help, to stop the cutting. I broke down and spilled everything to my step-brother Micah. He is the youth minister over the middle school at my church. Of course he talked to me about it, read me some scriptures out of the bible. Then he told my Dad, I hated him for a while for that one. But I knew he was just trying to help me out. And he did just what his goal was. I have been almost compltely cut free for about 3 months now. I have got plenty of scars to show everything I have been through. It got so bad that to cover up the cuts, I would wear hoodies, even through the summer. Now trust me I have done plenty of things I know I shouldn't have. I have done my fair share of things that I know I shouldn't have done.
Of course I went to Falls Creek again this summer. It was crazy. Plenty of good times and bad times. I did my fair share of crying. And yes all my friends were there to help me out. Every one was there for me. I have this one person that I will tell anyone. He is a bit older than me. But he is the only person I will tell anything. And he was at camp. like usual. And my sponser wouldn't let me talk to him. she said I was only allowed to talk to other girls about my problems. I don't do well with other girls. I wouln't say anything I want to if I had to talk to a girl. I would sit and stare at her and make faces at her. And the whole thing about me only talking to guys about things, I promise it's not some kind of sexual or turn on thing. Guys are just more laid back and chilled out than girls. With girls there is just way to much drama. And since I was a country girl, I am to this day the biggest tomboy you will ever meet. At first look or the first time you talk to me, I come on pretty stuck up and snobby, but I am just a lil shy at first.
So, since I have overcome a few obstacles in my life, I absolutely LOVE to talk with other people about their problems, and help them overcome their problems. Anytime anyone needs help, with anything, or even if they don't need help, they just need to let it all out feel free to email me at starless_n_cold@hotmail.com I can try to help you out as good as I can.
And as for camp this summer, I got a brand new out look on life. I don't think of life as one giant problem anymore. I think of it as a smalll obstacle, preparing us for what is to come.
Everytime I do a post I pull out one of my fav quotes outta the Bible and post it to, so get used to it! lol. jk.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

Well email me or leave me comments. I know this one is long most of them won't be this long, but I have a big history for only being 14.

All my love
~!*!~Sarah~!*!~