Death...
I have done some thinking, and I don't do that very often. But I have heard alot of talk about death lately. And as I look back at the past three or four years of my life, I realise now how many family members and loved ones I have lost recently. I lost my two cousins, Scotty and Tony to suicide. I lost my grandma, and the only grandpa I had ever had. I lost my step-dad's dad, so my step-grandpa, and my step-moms mom. I lost my bf at the time Chase last year. I am unlike many people in this way, I do not fear death. I honestly look forward to death. God put me on this Earth for a reason. I am here to fufill that reason, send people to Christ then die. After I die, i will be sent to heaven. I mean I am not so eager to die that I would take my own life. But I do not fear death. Death is one of those many things that people face everyday.
What brought all this into my mind.... I was looking through some old pictures earlier. I saw one of my sister and her forst husband Joe. She was 16 maybe 17. Seeing him brought back so many horrible memories. When I was 8 or 9, I went to stay thenight with My sister Rach and Joe. It was late at night when we left my Dads house to head to their house. We had to stop at Wal-Mart before we got home. Nothing abnormal. I was expecting it to be a quick trip in and out. I was wrong. This was the worst night of my life. Something totaly unexpected happened. We were robbed that night. We pulled into a parking spot on the side of the store. We were in a little S-10 truck. Rachael was the passenger, I was in the middle, and Joe was the driver. The truck didn't have AC, so we had the windows rolled down. We pulled in on the side of the store, and since it was the side, it was poorly lit. We opened the doors to get out. 2 guys came up to each side of the truck, slammed the doors shut and put a gun to Joe's head and a giant knife to my sister throat. Me being the little 8 year old I was, I was so scared, I didn't know what to do. So I just sat there in silence for what seemed like hours. My sister was going to say something, but the guy just pushed the knife up to her throat even harder. I slowly looked up at my sisters throat, I could see it start to turn white from the pressure. She was 3 or 4 months pregnant at the time. Joe took out his wallet and gave them all the money he had. It seemed like it took hours for them to leave. The strange thing is that what seemed to be hours of sitting there in silence turned out to be about 3-5 minutes. We got out of the truck and ran to the security car that is suposed to be driving around. He had his car parked and he was talking to some young ladys about nothing important, we quickly told him our story, and asked him to call the cops. He said he wasn't allowed to call the cops. We ran inside as quick as we could. We found a place to call the cops. They were ther in minutes, the had the place surrounded with cops and search dogs. One police officer was so nice, she could tell I was nervous and still shaky. I just sat there in silence for a long time. Staring, staring at absolutely nothing. Just a blank face. Then the very nice police officer went and bought me some candy. I was to scared anf nervous to eat of course so I just sat it beside me. I just wanted it to all be over, to wake up from this terrible dream I was having, finally a few hours later I finally accepted that it wasn't a dream, but I had been so close to death it was unreal. Later I thought why didn't God just let me die, now I have to live and suffer from these terrible nightmares that 5-6 years later I still have. Why does He make me suffer. Obviously it just wan't time for me to die. From that day on I just accepted the fact when I am meant to die, I will die. But that night it just wasn't my turn. I still question why God, let me live, but I know I shouldn't ask Him. I still suffer from bad dreams and sleepless nights. It wouldn't bother me except for the fact they never caught the guys that did it. They gave up looking after about one day. These bad dreams and sleepless nights I wish they would just go away.
Like I said, I am closer to guys than I am to girls. This is the reason why. After that for about 3 or 4 years I wouldn't go near guys. I was always surrounded by girls. I realised how much I hated all the drama. And I became good freinds with this guy named Chase. He was a few years older than me. We were the best of friend for 4 years. Then a year and a half ago, we bacame bf-gf. We dated for a year. Then he was in a car wreck, and died instantly. I knoew God made it happen for a reason. I know he didn't just take my best freinds life for no reason. I miss Chase. I have sleepless night because of him too. I cry all night sometimes because I miss him. Now that I lost a best guy freind, I want to make new ones. He was my only freind for years. Now he is gone. I realise how much better i got along with him than I did with enyone else. He is the one that made me realise all guys aren't bad!
Well I hope that story made a little tiny defference on your outlook on life.
email me if you got questions.
starless_n_cold@hotmail.com
preps_r_evil@hotmail.com
myspace: www.myspace.com/xox_his_baby_grl_xox
yahoo messenger lpswhite@sbcglobal.net
~All my love~
~!*!~Sarah~!*!~
What brought all this into my mind.... I was looking through some old pictures earlier. I saw one of my sister and her forst husband Joe. She was 16 maybe 17. Seeing him brought back so many horrible memories. When I was 8 or 9, I went to stay thenight with My sister Rach and Joe. It was late at night when we left my Dads house to head to their house. We had to stop at Wal-Mart before we got home. Nothing abnormal. I was expecting it to be a quick trip in and out. I was wrong. This was the worst night of my life. Something totaly unexpected happened. We were robbed that night. We pulled into a parking spot on the side of the store. We were in a little S-10 truck. Rachael was the passenger, I was in the middle, and Joe was the driver. The truck didn't have AC, so we had the windows rolled down. We pulled in on the side of the store, and since it was the side, it was poorly lit. We opened the doors to get out. 2 guys came up to each side of the truck, slammed the doors shut and put a gun to Joe's head and a giant knife to my sister throat. Me being the little 8 year old I was, I was so scared, I didn't know what to do. So I just sat there in silence for what seemed like hours. My sister was going to say something, but the guy just pushed the knife up to her throat even harder. I slowly looked up at my sisters throat, I could see it start to turn white from the pressure. She was 3 or 4 months pregnant at the time. Joe took out his wallet and gave them all the money he had. It seemed like it took hours for them to leave. The strange thing is that what seemed to be hours of sitting there in silence turned out to be about 3-5 minutes. We got out of the truck and ran to the security car that is suposed to be driving around. He had his car parked and he was talking to some young ladys about nothing important, we quickly told him our story, and asked him to call the cops. He said he wasn't allowed to call the cops. We ran inside as quick as we could. We found a place to call the cops. They were ther in minutes, the had the place surrounded with cops and search dogs. One police officer was so nice, she could tell I was nervous and still shaky. I just sat there in silence for a long time. Staring, staring at absolutely nothing. Just a blank face. Then the very nice police officer went and bought me some candy. I was to scared anf nervous to eat of course so I just sat it beside me. I just wanted it to all be over, to wake up from this terrible dream I was having, finally a few hours later I finally accepted that it wasn't a dream, but I had been so close to death it was unreal. Later I thought why didn't God just let me die, now I have to live and suffer from these terrible nightmares that 5-6 years later I still have. Why does He make me suffer. Obviously it just wan't time for me to die. From that day on I just accepted the fact when I am meant to die, I will die. But that night it just wasn't my turn. I still question why God, let me live, but I know I shouldn't ask Him. I still suffer from bad dreams and sleepless nights. It wouldn't bother me except for the fact they never caught the guys that did it. They gave up looking after about one day. These bad dreams and sleepless nights I wish they would just go away.
Like I said, I am closer to guys than I am to girls. This is the reason why. After that for about 3 or 4 years I wouldn't go near guys. I was always surrounded by girls. I realised how much I hated all the drama. And I became good freinds with this guy named Chase. He was a few years older than me. We were the best of friend for 4 years. Then a year and a half ago, we bacame bf-gf. We dated for a year. Then he was in a car wreck, and died instantly. I knoew God made it happen for a reason. I know he didn't just take my best freinds life for no reason. I miss Chase. I have sleepless night because of him too. I cry all night sometimes because I miss him. Now that I lost a best guy freind, I want to make new ones. He was my only freind for years. Now he is gone. I realise how much better i got along with him than I did with enyone else. He is the one that made me realise all guys aren't bad!
Well I hope that story made a little tiny defference on your outlook on life.
email me if you got questions.
starless_n_cold@hotmail.com
preps_r_evil@hotmail.com
myspace: www.myspace.com/xox_his_baby_grl_xox
yahoo messenger lpswhite@sbcglobal.net
~All my love~
~!*!~Sarah~!*!~
posted by Sarah @ 9:18 PM
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