The New Me

Since my last post quite a few things have happened. I'm ready to admit that I got too caught up in the drugs. I tried many things. Pot, ecstasy, shrooms, coke, pcp, methadone, adorall, redilin, and many more pills. Things that I never should have messed with. I was "shroomin" last Saturday night and I was supposed to go to my sisters and my mom kept calling me and I kept stressing and it was making me have a "bad trip" for those of you who know anything about drugs you know those aren't any fun. There were too many people around and I was trippin too hard and I was just plain scared and wanted to die just to make it stop. With shrooms there's no way to make you stop trippinm unlike ecstasy. I finally made it to my sisters, and she gave me a talk..some of the things she said made me realize what I was doing to myself AND my family and friends. While drugs and the party scene are fun and something I don't regret doing, it's not the kind of lifestyle I'd like to live. I will still hang out with my friends and watch them trip and maybe occasionally do something, but I will never let it get out of control like it did. My life became selling, buying, and eating drugs. I overdid it one night and popped 9 rolls(ecstasy pills fyi) and was sick for the next week. In the first two days I was sick I went from weighing 127pounds to weighing 113pounds. Since I started doing drugs I have felt myself living for my next high. I feel stupid, lonely, and scared.
Ecstasy messes with your serotonin levels which affect your moods, mostly depression. It makes a current state of depression even worse, and makes a normally happy person depressed. It releases too much serotonin, and that's something that can't be replaced, you're only born with a certain amount of it. I won't ever be the same Sarah I used to be, but the happiness will come back and I'll get my real friends back in getting away from the drugs. Though through the drugs I made a whole new group of friends we're called "The Group," names won't be mentioned but I do have many pictures of us tripping and just hanging out on my myspace, http://www.myspace.com/joy_toy. Check it out.
Anyways enough details, just know that the real me is coming back and I'm really excited to be done with all of it! Mom's home so I gotta go for now, but I'll write again soon!

:]

JoyToy52307@yahoo.com


-Sarah
Joy.