Okay, well I'm not even sure where to start. Let's get my relationship status out of the way once again. Craig and I split up the day after he asked me out. When it first happened I was really upset and pissed to be honest. It hurt so bad. I cried for two days straight which made me sick. I didn't go to school at all last week because I was sick. So now I'm single, and back to enjoying every minute of it. Craig and I are still amazingly close, it didn't ruin our relationship as friends, and I am so happy it didn't. I still love him. I hesitate when I say love. I have always told him I love him, but I'm not really sure I ever meant it until last night. Me and my parental units were fighting once again, and Craig was up texting me until 4:30am trying to make sure everything was going to be fine and I'm okay. We talked about things I never imagined us talking about. Lets just say... total turn on. =P Craig is the kind of guy who knows how to be serious when the time is right, and he knows when it's okay to be funny. We talked about everything from sex to how hot it is in my house. Haha. I hope I have another shot with him, actually I know I do. We will try 'us' again sometime soon, when he's sure he wants me. And I'm fine with that, as long as I don't have to turn down anymore guys. Now to move on to more important things. Well the fighting at home seems to be getting increasingly worse. I'm not really sure what to do. It's to the point when I stay holed up in my room all day. I don't eat for a couple of reason. One being it would require me to leave my room and go downstairs to where my parents are to get food. Two, I haven't had an appetite at all. Nothing sounds good, and nothing will stay down. Mainly because I think I'm so stressed. I really don't like it. Although all of this is happening to me, I am still happy. I lost my best friend, broke up with the guy I love, fighting with my parents, can't leave my house, but I manage to keep a smile. I'm not really sure why. Maybe because I know God is looking after me and everything, in due time, will be okay. The only problem I have come across with things are I have lost my interest for things I once loved. For one, Volley Ball, is something I have been looking forward to for the past two months. It starts tomorrow and I'm not going to do it. My mom said I can't which I know is because she needs me here to take care of her and the house, and she doesn't want me to get behind in my internet classes. I understand where she's coming from, but I also thing a 14 year old girl should not be running the house. For a few various reasons. I was laying there last night, thinking about some old memories and friends. Well they're not that old, age-wise they may be, but not as if I haven't seen them in the past year. One that really grabs my attention is Jason. Of course I have talked about him in previous blogs, I was just thinking about how much he has helped me through. I haven't talked to him since camp last summer. I don't really know how to get ahold of him. I was just thinking about how I've known him for a couple years now, and through those couple of years he has talked me through some major problems, and he has watched me go through several heartbreaks. I greatly appreciate that, and I am ready to return the favor. I'll send this link to him, and hope he reads it. I would really like to talk to him in person next time he's here. I used to have the biggest crush on him and i'm pretty sure he knew it. I think we all did. But now I think of him as a big brother, and would like to talk to him. I really miss him. Doood, everybody! Don't depend on other people for your happiness. I'm just now learning this, all because Paul P. He has helped me through the majority of this. He kidnaps me when I need him, and I love him like a bro. He taught me that I don't need others' approval for my own happiness. And now that I started believing that, I feel amazing. Maybe that's why I can't be depressed about my current situation. I have God and God's approval, and that's all that truly matters right. I must be on my way now. I have some more cleaning to do, and I plan on heading over to Levi's in a while for a movie. ~ sarah ily!!! (405)-863-5852 starless_n_cold@hotmail.com www.myspace.com/xox_his_baby_grl_xox