A Life Changing Experience...

Okay, so life has made some crazy turns here lately. I was in a car wreck last month, a pretty bad one at that. But by the grace of God I lived. I was sitting in the passengers seat, my sister was driving. A 3 month old baby, HeavenLee, was in the middle seat. 2 year old Summer was in the back seat. And last but not least Sadie 4 years old was sitting in the back seat also. By the way the wreck was not my sisters fault! The guy that hit us even admitted to the police that it was his fault. So this guy pulled out in front of us, him going about 20mph, and us going 40 or 50mph. Well, he hit us on the side, where I was sitting. It hit us. I was sitting there talking to my sister about how life was getting better, then all the sudden, it took a turn for the worse. I am sitting there talking to her, looking at her while I am talking, her eyes on the road though. And next thing I know I am flung forward, I did have my seatbelt on. But it still hit me pretty hard. I didn't really think about what happened, my first thought was OMG THE KIDS!!! So I am trying to get up, but me being the dumb blond I am and being all screwed up I still had my seatbelt on. So I hit the air bag outta my face as fast as I can and take my seatbelt off after I already tried to jump up with it on! I finally get up, and jump in the back to check on the kids. I looked at HeavenLee, the youngest, first. She was still barely opening her eyes, not crying, so I knew she was okay. So I looked at Summer next, she was just sitting there shocked, not crying, but eyes open wide and scared looking. Sadie was next, I almost started crying when I saw her. She was just sitting there looking as a young child should look, innocent. But when I saw her face, I thought I was going to be mad at God forever for letting this happen to my baby girl! She had a black eye and cuts all over her face. 4 year olds are not supposed to have black eyes! I was angry and sad and worried freaking out in my mind all the same time. My sister and I got out, and I got the kids out. After the police and ambulances got there me and the kids sat in the ambulance to keep cool. I didn't have any shoes, so the cement was really hot, they wouldn't even let me look at the car because they thought it would put me in shock. To this day, I haven't seen the car, but it was totaled. I broke my finger and my legs got pretty beat up. I have scars on my legs from that too. I was sitting criss-cross wearing shorts. And from the airbag I got a few small chemical burns. Everyone was saying how it was a miracle we all survived. I got the worst of the accident. I am actually happy I got the worst. I wouldn't want the kids to have to go through the pain that I did. Later to find out from the cops, I was the one who stayed calm throughout the whole thing. And they all got a pretty big laugh later about how I had no expression and showed no emotion, until about and hour later I saw HeavenLee smile. I was happy to know that she was okay. I am no longer mad at God for what happened, but I am actually thankful, that he let it happen to me and not other people. And that He let no one get hurt badly. What made me think of all this was, today i got an old camera developed, and it had pictures of all the injury's and it was hard to hold back the tears looking at them. I mean my baby with a black eye, and my legs looked horrible. I got some scars that aren't going to go away, and I still hav a giant bruise that has faded a little bit. But now, be sure to count your blessings everyday! More crazinnessss. Boyfriend after boyfriend , going back to school, friends slowly slipping away, everything slowly slipping away from me. Sometimes your just not sure how life works, and why it works the way it does. I think it is time to settle down, for the school year at least. I need to focus on my grades and my writing(songs and poetry if you don't no me) I don't think I want a boyfriend for once in my life. I did my fair share of dating over the summer. I think I am satisfied for the school year. I am tired of having immature guy after guy. If I am going to have a boyfriend this school year, it is going to be a long term relationship, a serious one, summer fun is over! He has to let me have a life outside of him! I do and will have other things to do besides him. School, friends, sports, clubs, lots of stuff, that he is more than welcome to do with me, but my life is not going to revolve around him. I had a great relationship with a guy names Chase. It was almost the best thing I ever had. After knowing him since I was in 4th grade. When I went nto 7th grade he asked me out. And of course I said yes. He was the sweetest guy ever. After a year and a half of fun, new, and exciting adventures, in January it all came crashing down. I lost everything that day. He was driving home from school one day, and the roads were icy, well another truck slid through a stop sign, and hit him head on. He died, after about a week. I spent all my time outside of school in that hospital with him, he was in a coma, so he didn't know. I lost my best friend that day. I cried for days. I still wonder why God took the one thing that was great in my life. I don't doubt that He had a good reason though. Anyways, I want another serious great relationship like that. And I had one good relationship over the summer, with a gay pirate. Hehehe. No but, he really is a bi pirate. I really liked him, and if I went out with anyone this school year, it would probably be with Adrian or Jason. I am now looking for a serious relationship with a guy thats not illegal! Lol. I was with Chase illegally, he was going to turn 19 in February. Right now I have plenty of friends, but it feels like they are all slowly slipping away,ough*cough*Mally*cough*cough) Well we will wait and see how it turns out. Alone in the midst of an oversized crowed waiting to get coffee. In a local coffee shop, small, and quiet.It feels like time is frozen, no way of telling, when it is going to come to an end. The stillness of the world around me, in a small city. I wish time would just replay itself. Which it can. An old saying. The only thing we learn from history is we don't learn from history. Does that make sense to anyone? Well it took some serious thinking to really truly understand it. Take some time and think about it. The school year is the hardest time to fight depression. Boredom sets in, while listening to things that should be heard but are not. The busy buzz of the constant sound of the people around me whispering and pointing, at the girl sitting all alone in the corner typeing something on her computer, as they try to get a glimpse of it, when she starts to say something, they all slide away from her, as if she is going to hurt them. I don't know what that was all about but okay, don't sit in a coffee shop, while wearing solid black and while typing something on it, I get some weird looks. Not doing this again...

~All my deadly love~
~!*!~SarahJoy~!*!~

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