Bored

Hmmm.... I thought I would make an update before I have to go clean the kitchen up after my parents! I don't even eat dinner and they make me clean up their messes! Crazy people! Oh well. I am kinda used to it now. Hm... I really don't have that much to write. Actually I am trying my hradest to think of something to write. Dang! I can't think of anything. I have really great friends. I realize that I am not as greatful as I should be for everything that I have. I have great friends, 4 parents, 2 of which I don't plan on seeing anymore, I have a nice house, and almost any material object I could wish for. I have been going through a great deal of depression here lately. Not because of material object that I don't have. But because of everything. My parents don't seem to trust me anymore. I have done nothing to make them lose trust in me. I even admitted to my Mom a few days ago that I have been kissing guys for a while now. She freaked of course. Telling me your only 14 you shouldn't be kissing guys and you are going to end up like your sister living in a hotel with a guy that 23 years older three kids and no money! Just because I kiss a guy. She seems to think that me kissing guys is going to lead to premarital sex and stuff like that. There is another thing almost no one but Jason knows...I have made up my mind I am not having sex until I am married, or with a really special guy that I think will be "the one." That is why most guys don't like me, is because I don't wanna give it up to them anytime anywhere! Those are called shallow guys, we don't like them anyways! I am falling in love way to fast. I am in love with a guy that barely knows I exist! I think anyways. He is slightly older than me. He has no girlfriend, and doesn't seem to date often from what I hear. i am not going to say his name. For one reason he might read this. And the second one is everybody would be making fun of me saying no way do you have a chance with him. Every girl I know likes him. But I have a different feeling for him. He is good looking I admit, but thats not the reason I love him so much. I honestly wouldn't care if he was the ugliest person on Earth! As long as he still had the same personality as he does now. I would still be madly in love with him. I know I know I sound like some crazy person. I honestly wish he would just give me a chance. He knows almost everything about me. He called my freind on my phone! If this guy were reading this and he knew it was him he would die. This guy is perfect to me. Okay, not perect, everyone has their flaws, I just havn't found his yet. I am trying to get to know him better. But I don't get to see him very often so it's kinda hard. I am telling you, I spilled everything to him one night. I mean I cried my eyes out on him. And I am sure he thought I was a crazy insane person. At one point he was the only person I would talk to about stuff. And now I regret it all. But now I have made a new friend Ben. I trust him just as much as I trust this guy. He has become my best friend. Okay, back to the guy I like. I don't know why I love him so much. I just know that he is a total sweetheart. And if I could ever get up the guts to tell him how I feel, I think he would shoot himself. I would just like to have a chance with him. Just one chance. I cry my eyes out every night over this guy. Every night I vry myself to sleep. I try my hardest not to cry, but I lay there trying to sleep, and I can't get him out of my head. Have you ever heard the saying, "If you can't get someone out of your head, maybe their supposed to be there." I lay there in my bed crying every night. I have had countless sleepless night over this guy. If he would just i dunno. maybe if I could ever get the balls to tell him he would understand and not think I am crazy. Even if we didn't date, at least I would have this pain off of my chest. And I wouldn't have to worry about him not caring. I guess I am just the biggest chicken ever. Well comment or email.

emails:
starless_n_cold@hotmail.com
preps_r_evil@hotmail.com
myspace:
www.myspace.com/xox_his_baby_grl_xox
yahoo messenger:
lpswhite@sbcglobal.net
xanga:
starless_n_cold